The Science of a Spark:

Psychologists and neuroscientists have studied the beginning of love for decades, and while they may not have bottled it yet, they’ve gotten close.

     Love—at least in its early stages—starts with a spark that’s deeply rooted in biology. When we feel drawn to someone, our brains release a potent cocktail of chemicals: dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin. Dopamine is the pleasure chemical—the reason a single glance or message can light up your whole nervous system. Norepinephrine kicks in with the excitement and adrenaline, racing heartbeats, sweaty palms, and sleepless energy. And serotonin? That one keeps you focused—spinning daydreams and looping thoughts about this person you suddenly can’t stop thinking about.

     It’s real. It’s chemical. It’s why early love feels a little like a high. But that’s just the beginning.

     Scientists often call this stage infatuation—a temporary state, biologically designed to draw people close long enough to see if a deeper connection is possible. Eventually, those fireworks settle. If something meaningful has started to grow underneath, your brain gradually switches gears, releasing oxytocin and vasopressin—the chemicals responsible for bonding, trust, stability, and long-term love.

     So yes, the spark matters—but it’s not the whole story. 

     And here’s where it gets interesting: You can’t force a spark.

     It’s like trying to light a match from a worn-out book. The striking strip is faded, the heads soft. You drag one match across—nothing. Again—still nothing. And then suddenly, just the right amount of pressure, the right angle, and there it is: flame.

     That tiny, fleeting burst is unpredictable. You can do everything “right,” but the match still won’t light unless the moment is right—unless the chemistry aligns. And even when it does? Sometimes it flares hot and dies just as fast.

     Love can feel like that.
     A dozen almosts before one finally ignites.  And even then, you’re left wondering—was that love, or just the spark that introduced it?

Where Love Really Begins

Because, let’s be honest—sparks are easy.

     They’re exciting, intoxicating, and often instant. But real love? That doesn’t come in a flash. It builds. It breathes. It shows up after the spark.

     Love begins where attention becomes intention.
     It’s in the everyday choice to know and be known.
     In the way someone remembers how you take your tea.
     In the way they stay when staying isn’t easy.

     After the dopamine fades and the butterflies quiet down, love asks, Are you still here?  And love answers by showing up again. And again. And again.

     It begins in the mundane—texting back, checking in, asking how your day really went.
     It begins in the tension—facing the hard stuff, not walking away when things get quiet or messy.
     It begins when someone chooses not just your highlight reel, but your flaws, your wounds, and your in-progress chapters.

     The spark introduces you.
     But love is what stays.

     Love is in the pattern. The rhythm. The steady blooming. And maybe that’s why it’s easy to miss—it doesn’t always announce itself. It just keeps showing up… until you realize you’ve built something worth holding onto.

Where Love Finds It's Roots